⬛ TIER S — THE BEST THINGS
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MOMMY — The greatest human. Provides food, walks, and affection.
Cannot be rated — transcends all tiers. Simply the best.
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WALKIES — The sacred ritual. Every time is the first time.
Every smell is a new chapter in an ongoing investigation.
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SNOW — My natural habitat. I was built for this. I am the snow.
The snow and I are one. I have never been more myself than when covered in snow.
🔵 TIER A — EXTREMELY GOOD
- TREATS — Essential. Non-negotiable. A cornerstone of civilisation.
- BELLY RUBS — I will present my stomach at any opportunity. This is non-threatening. This is an invitation.
- THE COUCH — I know I'm not supposed to be on it. We both know. We do not speak of this.
- DINNER TIME — The daily highlight. I begin anticipating it approximately six hours in advance.
🟢 TIER B — PRETTY GOOD
- OTHER HUMANS — Acceptable. Good for additional treats if worked correctly.
- FETCH — I will retrieve the ball. I will not always return it. These are different activities.
- ANY TOY THAT SQUEAKS — Proof that joy exists in the universe.
- ZOOMIES — Sometimes you simply must run very fast for no reason. This is correct behaviour.
- BEING BRUSHED — Objectively luxurious once you commit to it.
🔴 THE ENEMIES LIST
- THE VACUUM CLEANER — It is loud. It is suspicious. I do not trust its intentions. I never will.
- RAIN — Wet. Cold. Pointless. I refuse to go outside when it is raining. I will stand at the door and reconsider.
- BATHS — Mommy says I smell better after. Mommy is wrong. I smelled perfect before.
- THE CAT NEXT DOOR — Does not understand the rules of friendship. Hisses. Very rude. I simply wanted to say hello with my entire face.
- FIREWORKS — Unnecessary. Unsettling. I have registered a complaint with the relevant authorities (mommy).
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